Friday, September 13, 2019

Comment Wall

Star Stories

Hey there! Thanks for reading my story:)

(Milky Way: by ZalanHU Design)


  1. Hi Camille,

    WOW! This was such a fantastic introduction. I love how you spoke as if the constellation itself was speaking. It made it so fascinating and interesting to read. Your use of descriptive words was fantastic as well, and I could picture everything you wrote about very clearly.

    The layout of your project is great as well. The header photo fit perfectly and really helped get your message across. It is easy to navigate, and I think that will help you when developing this project.

    I love the idea of a Star King. The only thing that confused me a bit would be the future content in this project. At one point you talked about why the wolf howls at the moon or the origin of the stars. You later commented that we would be visiting Big and Little Bear and the swan. Are these stories connected or are you only focusing on one area of stories?

    Overall, I was compelled by this storybook and will for sure be returning to this page later! Great job!

  2. Hi Camille!

    Great work so far! I really appreciated the amount of detail you provided and the "personalities" you gave to each of the constellations. I also really liked your choice of narrator, Vela, and thought that it is extremely creative to have a constellation itself guiding us through the sky!

    I like the overall layout of your project as well and appreciate the photo choices you made! I also thought that you gave good teasers for each of your stories, however, I did notice that you mentioned the "Big and Little Dipper" on the home page and then mention the "Big and Little Bear" on the introduction page. I didn't know if this was intentional or not...

    I like the structure of your writing and the paragraph length, but I think it read smoother if you create a new paragraph where it states, "When you are placed in the sky there are a lot of rules". I think that this idea is different enough from the one before it that a new paragraph would be good here!

    I hope this helps! Awesome job!

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  4. Hi Camille!
    I really loved this introduction, and it made me really excited to read the rest of the stories! I love the voice of the narrator, too. I love constellations, so I'm glad to see you chose them as the topic of your storybook.
    I am curious about what the future stories will talk about; will they focus more on the history of the stars in general, as mentioned in the paragraph where the narrator says, "I will explain as much as I can in the time we have together," or will they focus more on the stories of the stars you mentioned (Big and Little Bear, the Swan, and Lupus)?
    Also I'm hoping to read more about the Star King. I don't know how much you're planning to explore that character, but I found what the narrator said about what an honor it is to be a constellation really intriguing. I also hope to hear more about the narrator's own story!
    I'm really excited to keep reading. Great work :)

  5. Camille, to start, I love your banner picture because it is so pretty and intriguing!!
    I really liked your introduction and that it is from the perspective of the constellation. I am so amazed with how creative you are and that you came up with such a unique idea.
    I am very excited to read your stories and see the different perspective that each story is told from. Will each story be told by the sail? Or will the stories switch between different constellations?
    You mentioned the old constellations, or black holes, that turned evil. I think it would be awesome to see a good constellation and bad constellation battle it out--just a thought.
    Your story is very inviting and definitely has my attention. The only thing I can see is that the "rules" kind of got swept up with another paragraph and was not very emphasized; maybe you can break that paragraph up so that they are more noticeable.

  6. Hi Camille!

    First off, I love your cover photo! It's so pretty!

    I really like your opening sentence in the introduction, "Welcome to the Sky!" It makes me excited to read what the story is going to be about. I also like how Vela seems to have a very fun and adventurous personality.

    When Vela says, "That is why i come here..." what is 'here'? Is she referring to the southern sky? Also, is being put into the sky the only way to be immortal for contallations? If you could find a way to make these things a little more clear I think it would be very helpful.

    One suggestion I have (if you aren't already planning to do this) is maybe have Vela tell us how she got to be a part of the sky. Since she is the narrator, it would be nice to hear her personal story and why the Star King chose her.

  7. Hello Camille! The cover photo that you used is mesmerizing. I love the starry sky and the photo shows so many colors of the sky. Your grabber in the introduction is so clever and really makes me want to continue reading your stories throughout the semester. The reason for your stories is so cool as I always wanted to know the story behind the constellations and your idea is something I would have loved as a kid. I have always been a huge fan of the constellations and I am so happy to see this come to life in this context. As I continued to read the introduction, I love how the sky has a voice and was talking to me in the beginning. I am super excited to keep up with your stories throughout the year as you tell this amazing stories with the constellations and the stories behind them with the sky.

  8. Camille!
    My girl! your storybook is truly very interesting! I am very excited to read the stories you create around the classic stories of these constellations. Storybooks of this kind are very interesting for me to read. I love when the author develops a character with a connection to the story to guide the reader through the storybook. This makes me feel like these stories are interactive. Its like I am going on a "build your own adventure" story when I read this introduction. When the reader is included in a conversation with the narrator that is a recipe for great storytelling. Great job Camillionare.

  9. Hey Camille,

    I really loved the look of your storybook. I thought it was super easy to navigate and very well constructed. At first, I was assuming these stories were going to be geared towards kids, but after reading your introduction a couple times, it definitely made me interested. I like how you humanized the stars and made them all seem like a person. I think that is a great idea because it allows us, as the reader, to easily relate to what we are reading. I think it be much harder to relate if we were just dealing with mythical stars. I also like how made the black holes evil. I have always felt that they were evil and put in the galaxy to wreak havoc so I happy that someone else agrees ha-ha. The only thing that confuses me is I am not sure what stories you will be writing about since there are a couple characters. I think it would be helpful to let us know what stories you will focus on and give us some background so we can prepare ourself for this amazing ride. Overall, I really thought this was done very well and cannot wait to start reading your stories!

  10. Hey Camille!

    This introduction blew me away! This is one of the most unique ideas i have ever stumbled across. I love how magical this whole concept is. I cannot wait to read your stories as the semester goes on. I was so drawn into this because when I was young, i used to watch the movie Barbie, Swan Lake. In that intro to the movie the main characters points out the swan constellation in the sky and explains its story and significant. Which makes me really excited to see our project as you develop it through out the semester!

  11. Hey Camille!

    This is a creative and awesome idea for a storybook. I loved that you placed a link on your home page for readers to learn more about constellations, what a cool idea! The main photo that you're using for backgrounds is beautiful. Have you thought about finding other pictures of stars/the night sky to use for page header images? Just a thought! Your intro story was well-written and fun to read. I love the way you use a constellation to narrate. Have you considered switching your narrator in subsequent stories to other members of the sky family? Your descriptions are really solid and engaging. Excited to follow your storybook! Lupus sounds like such a fun character. I enjoyed the fact that you made this storybook for children in particular, that's a really smart way to go about this project. Your concept is really unique, overall this is a great introduction. I've always enjoyed learning about constellations!

  12. Hello Camille!

    I truly love the theme you have picked for your storybook! It is so light hearted and sweet! The way in which you have already set up your storybook is quite genius. I love how Vela is the narrator but also a constellation itself. Your introduction is written really nicely and it flows together really well. I even got a relaxed calming feeling when reading this introduction, thats how smooth it was. The only thing I would do now to make your page better is to include a link to your introduction on your home page to make it more accessible to your readers. Other than that I really like the layout you have for your story. The banner image is very captivating and beautiful. am very excited to meet all the constellations and their stories. Maybe you could even include and origin story for Vela. Well done Camille!

  13. Hi Camille! I really liked your introduction and that picture of the sky is amazing! What if you moved the picture of the sail to right after you introduce the constellation? It would help everyone picture it right away. I wonder what is constellation that represents the Star King? Your introduction does a good job of keeping the mystery of what is going to happen during the visits of the constellations while also introducing the characters we will see. When stars do not abide by the path set for themselves, is there a danger that they will accidentally run into a black hole? I keep wondering if that will play a role in the stories as the villain or the danger aspect of a story. Great job on your introduction; it was very descriptive of the world of stars and Vela is very engaging. I can't wait to read on and find out the answers to some of my questions!

  14. Hi Camille!

    I love the theme you chose for your storybook! I think writing stories that give origins to the constellations is an incredible idea and you have lots of opportunity here. I loved your story about the star king, and his wife and daughter. I think it would be really cool if you gave a specific disease to the mother, and I think it would be even cooler if you linked it to the stars in some way. Like maybe, the mother becomes a black hole or a collapsing star or something like that. In fact, there are two stars in our galaxy right now that are continually circling and each other and will one day crash together and explode and I think that's super fascinating. Okay, well, I just wanted to say good job and I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your stories. I can't wait to read the rest.

  15. Hello Camille!

    I am revisiting your storybook now for the second time and I still absolutely love it. Your writing style is so calming and intriguing at the same time. I can really hear the sound of tone from the words you chose in your stories and plays along really nicely to the night time stories you are retelling. I also really like the theme of the storybook and the way that it looks, it fits the theme very nicely. Overall, I think you have a great introduction and a great first story. I think everything in this storybook is coming together really nicely and I am very excited to see what stories you come up with next. I think your possibilities with the theme you have chosen are endless.

  16. Hey Camille,
    I really like the design of your storybook. You have an incredibly unique writing style too. It comes across as incredibly soothing and calming, I could almost hear your characters as they underwent intriguing dialogue. The stary sky combined with your writing creates an environment that is, for lack of a better word, cozy. I think Greek Mythology is incredibly interesting and I like your take on this as well. You were even able to integrate some astronomy into this story as well.You are off to a great story. Your introduction told me exactly what I should expect and what your storybook has to offer. Your first story then echoes this and is accompanied by great style. You should be very content with your progress because you have no reason to not have one of the best storybooks in the class. You have executed perfectly thus far so I expect to return here in a few weeks and see more excellence. Good luck with the rest of the semester!

  17. Hey there Camille! I just had the chance to take a look at your project so far. I really love the images and colors that you chose to use for your project because the entire site flows well together, is easy to navigate, and overall reflects the galaxy theme. You are such a great writer, and I really enjoyed the tone that you used in your pages. I really love how you were able to integrate your topic into your project with astronomy. Your introduction was really helpful and got me excited for what was to come. Your first story was just as wonderful, and yet again the tone of your writing really is something special. Keep up the good work, as I look forward to checking out your project again in the future!

    1. I forgot to mention that your author's note was also really helpful in explaining the legend even more, as well as the astrological background. I love how you include some links to more information too, as this is something that I haven't seen in anyone's project so far!

  18. Hi Camille,
    What a great idea for your theme!
    I really like the casual conversation voice of your story. The only suggestion I have is that maybe you can "show" your reader that the wife has the strength of a bear in your story rather than "telling" them at the end. You mention that she "refused to die." No one wants her to die, so maybe describe the violence of the illness and how hard she fought instead. Try to weave in bear imagery of what a fighter she is. You can do the same with the little girl. Add some fierce, stubborn, childish dialogue of her insisting on seeing her mama. This will show her strength and make the ending (of her becoming a bear) really touching to the reader.
    Just a thought. Feel free to ignore it, if you like. :) It will still be a great story either way!

  19. Hello,
    I just wanted to start off by saying I thought your topic choice is very interesting! I never really thought there was lore out there about the stars and how the constellations were formed. For some reason I tend to only think of planets in that way. Your website looks really cool. I love what you did with the pictures and the background I think it works really well with your topic. I also like the idea of a start king being the one to put the constellations into the sky. I think your introduction is well written without giving too much away about the actual stories. I still know what the stories will be about but do not know all the juicy details. After reading the stories I have to say you put a lot of thought into them! I enjoyed the story Big and Little Bear. I felt bad for the king having to make such a hard decision. I read it so fast just trying to find out what happened next! Good job, I look forward to reading more!

  20. Hi Camille! I really like the concept of your storybook. Having a constellation be a narrator is so innovative and your creation of the Star King and the lore surrounding him is super creative. In particular, I liked that you adapted the stories to fit kid-friendly themes like a parent-child relationship and friendship. I also appreciated the positive outlook that all of these stories had; despite the tragic occurrences, the focus was kept on the strength and nobility of the characters. One thing I noticed was that the images you used in the stories were cut off and I couldn't see the entire image. In addition to these pictures, I think it would also be cool to include images of the constellations in the night sky so the reader can use that visual in the story. I really liked the format of your author's notes, particularly the one for "The Swan." It organizes the necessary information in a concise manner and it helps pinpoint the specific changes you made to the source material. Good luck on the rest of your storybook!

  21. Hi Camille.

    I just read your story about The Swan and I really liked it. I think Lincoln was really brave to help his friend like that, and Svana is lucky. The image you chose to include with your story is perfect. I think it really adds to the story a lot and gives your readers the opportunity to visualize what it is exactly you are writing about. I like how you are mixing mythologies and including gods like poseidon in your stories. This gives you the opportunity to do a lot of really interesting story writing and I look forward to reading the rest of your stories. Good luck with everything and I can't wait to read the next addition.

  22. Camille, I really like this storyline you have created. It is very interesting. I want to focus on the Swan story. I really like your introduction. It is a good setup for the story. After you say, "You can see his large wings beating!" you say "Anyways" and then continue. I think you're flow of the story would be even better if you removed this part and go into the story. Because they are in space I think alot of detail would be fantastic! You could really show us the experience they are having and all of what they see. I would love to hear about all the colors of space. With more detail you will be able to create a more enticing picture. Some dialogue always helps with painting a more vivid picture. This dialogue could show how Lincoln and Svana are thinking. I do love these stories! There is so much you can do with them!

  23. Hi Camille!
    I really like the voice of Vela and how it feels like she is taking us on a trip. I appreciate that you've really used Vela to weave the stories together into the larger story of the constellation tour. I also like that the Star King is a common thread in both your stories so far. In regards to your pictures, I think they are all really helpful illustrations but both of the pictures on your stories seem to be cropped a little strangely. I could only see half of the little bear on the first story page and I think it would be nice to see the whole thing. One other thing I noticed about your storybook though was a fair amount of typos. Constellation is misspelled on the homepage and there were a few other misspellings in both stories. This is something that can be easily fixed though. I really enjoyed your storybook overall.

  24. Hi Camille,
    I really enjoyed reading over your project. This is such a great idea! I love the star stories and the narrator. The format and images you use for your site are great. I really like the sketches, sometimes I have such a hard time seeing what people are talking about when they describe the constellations!
    I am going to focus on the Swan since you seem to have plenty of feedback on the other stories and they are pretty polished.
    I do have a question, at the end of the story you say"This is the time when you can see...." is that only from the Northern hemisphere? Are you focusing on children in a specific part of the world or can all kids get the star tour?
    I did notice that some of the sentences were short and abrupt, they are technically grammatically correct but I think that if you are writing as if Vela is speaking, then they should be a bit longer, to make it flow more like a story being told out loud.
    This was a super fascinating read and I am excited to read more!

  25. Hi Camille,

    First off, I love that your storybook is narrated by a constellation — what a cool idea! The illicit, supernatural nighttime journey is also reminiscent of A Christmas Carol, I think.

    I also like how the Star King synthesizes a lot of different mythological ideas, but one little thing confuses me in your first story: you say the Star King sought advice from “many wise constellations” when he was still a man, but you also say that he was responsible for putting all the constellations in the sky — maybe clarify either that the Star King is just one of those who can create constellations, or have him get advice from some other source?

    Also, a technical note: in “The Swan” you capitalize “god” and “goddess” when referring to the Swan’s original identity; particularly, you use them in the context of “a god” and “a goddess.” Typically, we only capitalize these words when they are used as proper nouns (which is typically in a monotheistic context, were it is unambiguous). (Sometimes they are also capitalized as titles, such as “Goddess Macaroni.”) Given your usage, I think it would be more correct to lowercase them.


  26. Hi Camille!
    What a dreamy storybook! Visually, you did a great job stimulating the reader with a busy, colorful banner, combined with the consistent usage of simple black and white constellation outlines. I love how you use first person point of view as a strategy of suspense when introducing yourself as a constellation in the sky yourself. The imagery of using technical features of the sky, as attributes when beautifully personifying the stars.
    In your author's notes, I loved how you described the original story's plot details and how you deviated from them when retelling the stories. Perhaps it would be good to explain why exactly you changed what you did, and what the changes add to the story. Was there any gaps or things you didn't like from the original star legends?
    I like the more structured format in your second story. Although, experimenting with both of the formats was helpful for editing strategies, I would encourage sticking with the same format to create more solidarity in your storybook as a whole.

  27. Hi Camille!

    I just want to start off by saying that I really like the whole layout of your storybook! The first thing I noticed was the pretty banner image you have used. Also, I really like that the stories were narrated by a constellation. In the story Big and Little Bear, I really like the Star King's story. After reading your author's note for that story and finding out that you used Zeus as inspiration for the Star King, I was definitely able to see the connection. I like that you also described the original story in your author's note. I hadn't read the original one so it helped me understand your story even better. Overall, I think your storybook is really nice! Oh and I really love the sketch drawings you have of the constellations in your stories! I can never really see the constellations so seeing them through the pictures you have used was really cool!

  28. Hi Camille! This is the second time I have seen your storybook! Last time I commented there was just the introduction, so I am excited I will get to read some of your stories. I like that the star king doesn't look like the king most would imagine. Is the star king able to visit the the people/things he makes immortal as constellations? At the end, the Star King can look up to them, but can he join them? I also wonder if he had given Polaris and his wife the option, would they have chosen the same. Are the daughter and mother able to talk to each other and watch over the star king like he watches over them?
    The pictures that you use are really beautiful. I appreciate that you included a picture of the Big and Little Bear constellations. I can't wait to see what the storybook looks like at the end of the semester. Good luck!


  29. Hi, Camille! I’m so excited to read your storybook project, “Star Stories!” It sounds like a lovely series, and I like the way you coordinated the galaxies and constellations together. I might choose some banner images that have a similar style to one another (the first story image is more simplistic than the second, and the last one is in color). That said, it’s just an aesthetic preference, as the project design is up to you.

    I love the way you introduced the narrator, Vela the Sail. They seem like a charming character that does a good job of navigating the reader through the world of the sky. This also allows them to inform the audience what stories can be read in the future, including the constellations of Big and Little Bear, The Swan, and Lupus. I can see that there is even some world building featured in the introduction, which I highly enjoyed.

    Overall, I can’t wait to read all of your stories and see how Mythology and Folklore has inspired you!

  30. Hello Camille!

    I thought your project was very visually appealing, I really liked the image you used for you banner it looks so majestic! I thought it was really cool to read stories about the formation of constellations. I had never thought much about the stars but I can imagine how older civilizations must have been fascinated by them. I know that the Aztec people thought that stars were living skeletons that raged war on the sun. Star mythology seems like such a diverse area that can really give you a lot to work with. I really liked your story about the bears. I know its different but it reminded me of the disney movie brother bear. However in that movie when the bear died they became a part of the northern lights rather than a constellation but its still interesting to see how so many people from across the world think that when someone passes away they somehow join the sky or the heavens. Great job!